The Truth about Struggling to Conceive // TW: Infertility and Miscarriage

Wednesday, May 11, 2016

pregnancy, conceive, infertility, fertility, struggles, trying for a baby

I don't know if you know this but falling pregnant is not always as easy as sitcoms, the Daily Mail, and sex ed teachers will have you believe. Fun fact: my husband and I have been "trying" since around October 2013...less fun fact: still no baby. 
But this post isn't going to be one of those, woe is me pieces, I've decided it's time I wrote down every little thing that bothers me about struggling to conceive...also known as "Things you didn't know about the struggle of fertility". 
1) GPs all have different ideas about fertility. For instance, the first GP I saw told me I was at my most fertile after a miscarriage- the second told me to wait for 6months. 1 GP told me I was entitled to fertility testing after trying for 18 months- another told me 24. It's almost like they make this stuff up as they go along. 
2) People will try to find a way to blame you for your own fertility problems. "LOSE WEIGHT", "STOP SMOKING", "YOU THINK MAYBE YOU DRINK TOO MUCH WINE?" There is always something others will try to use to explain away your problems...not that any of it matters. Fun fact number 2: D and I did both stop smoking...still no baby. I'm not overweight...still no baby, and finally if 1 or 2 glasses a fortnight is TOO MUCH wine...I don't wanna live on this planet anymore. 
3) "Have you thought about not "trying"? My next-door neighbour's cousin's dog walker's sister's best friend had been trying for ages (4months) and when she stopped trying they fell pregnant" - did she aye? 
Lucky her, no seriously I'm happy for her, but do you have any idea how hard it is to stop "trying" once you've made the decision to have a baby?  By all means give up the ovulation testing kits, and the basal body temperature charts, and all the other gumph you're supposed to do when "trying" for a baby, but remember that mentally part of you will always know when the best time to have sex is and you'll still overthink every last tryst. 
4) Your body and mind will play silly beggars with you for its own sick pleasure. 
It's probably a good idea to know that all the symptoms of PMS are also early pregnancy symptoms. I'm an intelligent woman and I know that given my history it's probably absolutely my period...does that stop me from twisting my body that weird way to pee on a plastic stick without getting urine on the bathroom floor? No, it does bloody not! 
5) when you are desperate for a baby it is almost impossible to wait until you've missed a period to take a test. I swear it's like some kind of psychological torture telling me I have to wait 9 days to test! I (and I am sure, most women in my position) will cave before the suggested date and then we get to play the Line or Shadow game (patent pending). If your anything like me you will take the test, see its negative (or is that a line?), scold yourself for not waiting, declare it a false negative due to it being too early to tell, and wait until the suggested date like you should have in the first place! 
6) You will spend way more time on Netmums than any sane woman should because you have Googled a symptom, and inevitably been directed to a forum full of women speaking in a strange language, geared towards getting your BFHU *Big Fat Hopes Up. 
7) You will ask yourself daily if it's all worth it! Do you really need to have a child? YES by the way for me the answer is yes! I briefly considered filling my life with dogs or travel but my heart ached so hard I had to admit defeat. 
8) Your vocabulary will start to fill up with strange acronyms: BFN, BFP, CD08, DPO, IVF, IUI. 
9) You will want to punch people in the face so often. When they ask "So no kids yet? You're leaving it a bit late are you not?"-I'm 28, not fucking 40. 
"You and D have been married a while now, are you not wanting children?"- mate, are you kidding me? We've been married less than 2 years!
"Maybe you should try..."- listen pal, if it's a thing I've tried it, maybe you should try not caring about the contents of my uterus. 
"Oh it'll happen one day, don't fret"- oh really mystic meg do you think so? Do you know that for sure? How do you know I'm not completely incapable of carrying  a child to term?? 
Don't get me wrong, people mean well but sometimes it would be nice if maybe they thought before they spoke. You don't know what battles others are fighting so maybe try keeping your nose out. 
10) You will think you are pregnant after every successful sexcapade. It will get annoying. People will suggest you are pregnant if you so much as look nauseated, or pee more than twice in an hour and a half. This too will be annoying. The most annoying thing of'll keep doing it all, people will keep saying the wrong thing, and only sheer luck or medical intervention will change things. 
So there you have it, a little insight into our journey of trying to have a family. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy, and I know If I do finally fall pregnant it'll just be the start of a whole other bunch of stresses, but in the meantime, I'm gonna keep "trying" and I'm sure I'll keep you all updated too. 


  1. We have been trying for 12 years now and still have no baby. We have been diagnosed with unexplained infertility and told by a fertility specialist that there is no reason for it not to happen.....well I think there is as surely it would have happened by now! So after having 4 failed IVF cycles in Aberdeen we have switched clinics to the GCRM as they have a good success rate and starting our cycle in July.

    Unless people have struggled to conceive they have absolutely no idea how it feels month after month of disappointment when your period comes. It really is heartbreaking isn't it? I hear you with the "just relax" people, it's hard to stop yourself from punching them in the face. I wish you lots of luck on this baby making journey and hope that it's not too long before you hold your own baby in your arms. <3 xx

    The Life of Dee

    1. I'm so sorry that you've been going through all that for so long. I have everything crossed for you on this part of your journey and hope you have your much longed for baby soon too.

      Thank you for reading and taking them time to share your experience.