My Own Personal Hell

Sunday, May 04, 2014

Hi folks! I know it's been far too long..but the end is in sight!!

As you may know I'm in my final year at University and this means I am writing a dissertation :-(. I was so looking forward to my dissertation last year, couldn't wait to get started, and had loads of bright ideas. And then shit happened, life happened and suddenly my dissertation became like a noose around my neck.

First semester was pretty shitty because I was dealing with a lot of pent up stress from work, and I was in a state mentally over what my counsellor called grief from our miscarriage. I couldn't focus on coursework because all I wanted to do was cry, and to have our baby back. I noticed that my work had started to suffer so I made a change. I approached the counselling service at my University, and they were amazing, I really don't think I would have made it to semester 2 without their help. But I did make it and I was eager to throw myself into work BUT my brain had another idea. 

Around January I started to feel nauseated all the time, I got dizzy when I was standing, walking, or travelling- which for someone who has to get 4 buses a day isn't ideal. If you know me you'll know that I hate Doctors so I kept putting off going to see one. Then my symptoms got worse, I started getting mind-splitting headaches, cluster migraines behind my eyes, and sharp pains in my stomach ALL THE TIME. It's been horrible, and it's only a little better after the Drs tried me on four different tablet combinations, stole loads of my blood, and pretty much examined me on a weekly basis :-(. Can you imagine trying to write a 12000 dissertation while dealing with handfuls of tablets, blood tests and mind-splitting headaches? Yeah it's not easy. Of course Uni have been really understanding and given me an extension BUT an extension only gives you more time, it doesn't cure the issue causing you trouble. 

So here I am with my dissertation due by 1pm on Monday, an essay analysing a movie, due on Thursday and the end of uni very much in sight, but no happy feeling just stress and uni work at 1am in the morning. 

For the next few days I will be working my ass off, while dealing with all the above symptoms, and the constants reminders from friends that they are out having fun (I don't mind really but come on!! lol) 

But I can do it, I know I can do it-and that's largely in part due to the constant support I've received from the two people at Uni that I have become closest to this year. Lucy and Ross are who I would consider to be my pillars of strength- they have their own issues, and they have the same workload but they never hesitate to give me a pep-talk when I need it, or listen to me rant, and even just to give me a gentle kick up the arse when I feel like I can't do it. I love these guys and I hope we will stay friends long after university.

And now I've taken too long away from my work, to keep you beautiful people updated, so I will bid you adieu :-). Oh and tell you what I came on for in the first soon as I am free from uni I will be giving the site a big old stay tuned to see all the changes :-).

Also remember that we are on Twitter, Bloglovin, Tumblr AND NOW Pinterest :-).

Much Love 


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